These are my worst days.
I have to reflect on Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger. Yeah, I hear it's supposed to be this amazing novel that everyone loves. Since I recently found out that my hours are being cut and I may have trouble paying for my apartment, I have no sympathy whatsoever for Holden or his experiences that a five year old could handle.
So then I get into another discussion about what it means to be worth something with one of the few the physical representations of Holden that I actually know. A rehashed discussion of how we're complete screw-ups and never seem to fail at disappointed our parents leads me to tears once again, and I'm left to think about how much I'm worth.
I'm beginning to realize that we can't judge our own worth. To ourselves, we really shouldn't be worth anything and it shouldn't matter to us anyway. Everyone else decides our worth regardless of how hard we try and how much we do. One mistake or one achievement and everyone makes the final decision. So maybe, for once, I'm going to try to forget about worth. I just want to be. I want to do what I can, best or not, and try to make an impact on this crazy world before my stupidity gets a hold of me.
Don't waste the luck you have or wait for it to save you.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Comparisons can't compare.
I've always been really bad at comparing things. Even when I was looking for this laptop, I had difficulty. I'm not the kind of person that's interested in research or finding the best deal. I just look for what I want. If it has what I need and I trust it, that's what I go with. It's bad, but that's why I always ask my friend, Brandi, to research cat food for me. :P
The point of this is that I'm tired of being compared. I'm not as intelligent as the next person, or as hard-working, or as pretty, or as thin, or as big-chested, or as unique. But I've come to realize that it doesn't matter. Somewhere in the world, someone will always be better than me. Someone will have at least one thing that I don't or do at least one thing better, and I'm just going to have to understand that. Which I do... a little.
I've had a friend recently who has difficulty with the good things in my life. Yes, I have an apartment, two cats, an amazing boyfriend, and it looks like my life is great.
That's the snapshot. Here's the truth. I don't have a steady job. The job I have drives me insane because I'm unappreciated and overworked. I feel like I have no family. I know I do, but actions speak louder than words. My boyfriend's family actually tends to treat me better than my own. I'm struggling to pay the bills for said apartment and I'm going to have to beg for money soon, even though I've already applied to at least ten or fifteen places since moving here.
That's the truth. Here's the reality. The reality is that no one cares. No one knows how I raised myself through high school. No one knows I've never had family to turn to. No one knows that I found ways to motivate myself and get to where I am today. No one knows that it still hurts.
Have you ever had a scar? It's a funky piece of skin where your wounds have healed. My biggest scar still feels weird when I touch it. It tingles, like my body is remembering all of the pain that went into it before it healed. It hurts if you aren't careful with it. It's stretched from the sun and people don't always notice it. Some people don't notice for months or years. Even when you realize you don't have to hide it, you still bend your arm inward and wear long-sleeved shirts.
No one can tell you your life is any less important because they can't know unless they've been through it in your shoes. But don't push them away. Don't force people to take your side or be your enemy, because there are so many shades of gray.
Well, I'm exhausted. I had a moment of weakness and saw my life through the wrong end of the telescope, and I forgot what it means to be happy. And I am. But every now and then we get the chance to look back and be sad to remind ourselves what it means to be strong. So be strong for me.
The point of this is that I'm tired of being compared. I'm not as intelligent as the next person, or as hard-working, or as pretty, or as thin, or as big-chested, or as unique. But I've come to realize that it doesn't matter. Somewhere in the world, someone will always be better than me. Someone will have at least one thing that I don't or do at least one thing better, and I'm just going to have to understand that. Which I do... a little.
I've had a friend recently who has difficulty with the good things in my life. Yes, I have an apartment, two cats, an amazing boyfriend, and it looks like my life is great.
That's the snapshot. Here's the truth. I don't have a steady job. The job I have drives me insane because I'm unappreciated and overworked. I feel like I have no family. I know I do, but actions speak louder than words. My boyfriend's family actually tends to treat me better than my own. I'm struggling to pay the bills for said apartment and I'm going to have to beg for money soon, even though I've already applied to at least ten or fifteen places since moving here.
That's the truth. Here's the reality. The reality is that no one cares. No one knows how I raised myself through high school. No one knows I've never had family to turn to. No one knows that I found ways to motivate myself and get to where I am today. No one knows that it still hurts.
Have you ever had a scar? It's a funky piece of skin where your wounds have healed. My biggest scar still feels weird when I touch it. It tingles, like my body is remembering all of the pain that went into it before it healed. It hurts if you aren't careful with it. It's stretched from the sun and people don't always notice it. Some people don't notice for months or years. Even when you realize you don't have to hide it, you still bend your arm inward and wear long-sleeved shirts.
No one can tell you your life is any less important because they can't know unless they've been through it in your shoes. But don't push them away. Don't force people to take your side or be your enemy, because there are so many shades of gray.
Well, I'm exhausted. I had a moment of weakness and saw my life through the wrong end of the telescope, and I forgot what it means to be happy. And I am. But every now and then we get the chance to look back and be sad to remind ourselves what it means to be strong. So be strong for me.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Oy vey! It's a failing day.
Have you ever had one of those days where nothing seems to go right? You want to go back to bed and sleep the rest of the day away because you know you can't go back, but you don't want to risk anything else going wrong.
That's how I feel today. I can't really go to sleep right now because that would actually make things worse. But that doesn't change the fact that today is a failing day. Today, I feel like a failure.
I trust everyone (or rather, use to) just a little too much. I'm getting over that, which is nice. Sometimes I think it won't really help because in the end I'm the same person I've always been. Sure, I don't trust people as much, I'm more aware of my flirting, I'm more reserved when I talk about other people, I'm more reserved when I talk about myself, but I'm still about the same. I still have my slip ups; I still have my old habits creeping out in a moment of weakness.
I think my biggest fault is that I try to make everyone happy. I forget my place and what I want and what I should do because I think it's my job (for no apparent reason I can think of) to save everyone and make everyone happy. But have you ever noticed that the thing that makes someone happy is usually a really selfish desire and makes at least one other person unhappy, even if it's just you?
That's how I feel right now. I'm always trying to please people, but what do you do when two people you're trying to please want opposite things? Not just opposite, but actual opposing pairs. You can't have one if you have the other. So then you choose. You see who is more important and who you want to please the most, and you do that.
Well, then the other person thinks that the important person is controlling you. You can't say no because it seems like they are, but if you please the other person, then they're the one controlling you.
Whew, that got confusing for a second. The point I'm trying to get across is this. Do your best to please the people you love, but please yourself first and the most important ones second. You'll never be able to please everyone, but you have to be happy with yourself. Think of yourself in terms of how it affects people. Please yourself, please the important people in your life, please everyone else.
I feel inhuman now. It feels wrong to think that I won't be pleasing people, or rather that I'll be purposefully displeasing to them. But that's the reality of life. Everyone will never be happy with you, but someone always will be, even if it's just you. :]
That's how I feel today. I can't really go to sleep right now because that would actually make things worse. But that doesn't change the fact that today is a failing day. Today, I feel like a failure.
I trust everyone (or rather, use to) just a little too much. I'm getting over that, which is nice. Sometimes I think it won't really help because in the end I'm the same person I've always been. Sure, I don't trust people as much, I'm more aware of my flirting, I'm more reserved when I talk about other people, I'm more reserved when I talk about myself, but I'm still about the same. I still have my slip ups; I still have my old habits creeping out in a moment of weakness.
I think my biggest fault is that I try to make everyone happy. I forget my place and what I want and what I should do because I think it's my job (for no apparent reason I can think of) to save everyone and make everyone happy. But have you ever noticed that the thing that makes someone happy is usually a really selfish desire and makes at least one other person unhappy, even if it's just you?
That's how I feel right now. I'm always trying to please people, but what do you do when two people you're trying to please want opposite things? Not just opposite, but actual opposing pairs. You can't have one if you have the other. So then you choose. You see who is more important and who you want to please the most, and you do that.
Well, then the other person thinks that the important person is controlling you. You can't say no because it seems like they are, but if you please the other person, then they're the one controlling you.
Whew, that got confusing for a second. The point I'm trying to get across is this. Do your best to please the people you love, but please yourself first and the most important ones second. You'll never be able to please everyone, but you have to be happy with yourself. Think of yourself in terms of how it affects people. Please yourself, please the important people in your life, please everyone else.
I feel inhuman now. It feels wrong to think that I won't be pleasing people, or rather that I'll be purposefully displeasing to them. But that's the reality of life. Everyone will never be happy with you, but someone always will be, even if it's just you. :]
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
My life as a writer...
... has been an incredibly slow one. I've only ever fully completed one thing, but I was very damn proud of it. It was longer than it was supposed to be and I find out around Halloween if it gets accepted or not, but I've never felt like anything I wrote was worthy of attention or appreciation until that. (It was for the Machine of Death Anthology)
I've been wanting to attempt writing some more since then because I was so proud of myself, but I think the world is crashing down around me a little bit. Being overwhelmed with school and work and dedicating time to myself, sometimes I forget that I need to slow down and enjoy the simple things, like writing a short story.
That's partly why I started this personal blog. The more I talk, the better my writing is. I know some people are like that, too, but just talking really gets my creative juices flowing. It stimulates my brain and lets me develop my thoughts. Pretty cool, right? You should try it sometime.
So what's on my mind tonight? I just posted a note on Facebook. Here it is:
How is it possible for me to complete my assignment without actually doing anything? How sad is that?
The worst part - college classes are like that. I had such great dreams for college classes. I thought it was going to be amazing and intellectual and exciting. So far, everything has been minimal at best. I haven't felt like any of my classes (except a select few, which I explained to the teachers just how much I loved their classes) really inspired me or made me think differently about my life. People can get revelations from religion and television shows and books and music and everything else in the world, and I'm having so much trouble getting anything from education, which is where we are supposed to learn almost everything.
This makes me think of why I wanted to be a teacher. I loved helping people understand things and I hated the way my teachers did their lessons. I actually called one teacher out because he was making an assignment more complicated than it needed to be. He defended a student who called me a smartass for trying to make my point. I was so embarrassed and angry because he didn't even want to listen. He was the teacher and he was right, even if it meant we were doing unnecessary, extra work.
Every time I meet a teacher that I think is insufficient in some form, I think of all the ways I would do it differently. It helps a little because I figure out the kinds of this I want to do and the things I don't. But it also shows me just how ineffective most teachers are. So I leave you with this: when a student fails, is it the teacher's fault or the students?
Just a cute way to end - my boyfriend and I are watching the spin off of Jimmy Neutron about Sheen. Carl talks to his belly button and the belly button says "The wife's out back cutting cheese." I thought that was adorable. Great way to end the night, don't you think? :D
I've been wanting to attempt writing some more since then because I was so proud of myself, but I think the world is crashing down around me a little bit. Being overwhelmed with school and work and dedicating time to myself, sometimes I forget that I need to slow down and enjoy the simple things, like writing a short story.
That's partly why I started this personal blog. The more I talk, the better my writing is. I know some people are like that, too, but just talking really gets my creative juices flowing. It stimulates my brain and lets me develop my thoughts. Pretty cool, right? You should try it sometime.
So what's on my mind tonight? I just posted a note on Facebook. Here it is:
It made me think. I read all of one page of the chapter. We're reading In the Middle, which is a pretty amazing book. I just haven't been dedicated enough to the class to really read each and every chapter thoroughly because it's the equivalent of a hefty narrative.My name is Kassie.
My name is Kathryn Y R. My nickname is Kassie.
My name is Kathryn Y R. My nickname is Kassie. The reason they are different is because Kathryn is my baptismal name and my parents wanted to call me Kassie. Using a baptismal name as the legal first name is a common practice for Catholics.
My name is Kathryn Y R. My nickname is Kassie. The reason they are different is because Kathryn is my baptismal name and my parents wanted to call me Kassie. Using a baptismal name as the legal first name is a common practice for Catholics.I prefer to be called Kassie, but it has always been really confusing for teachers because they don’t see the connection. Sometimes they think it’s a middle name, like a handful of my friends.
My mom was sure I was going to be a boy, so she planned on naming me Brian… until I came out and needed a PINK blanket. My name is Kathryn Y R. My nickname is Kassie. The reason they are different is because Kathryn is my baptismal name and my parents wanted to call me Kassie. Using a baptismal name as the legal first name is a common practice for Catholics.I prefer to be called Kassie, but it has always been really confusing for teachers because they don’t see the connection. Sometimes they think it’s a middle name, like a handful of my friends.
My mom was sure I was going to be a boy, so she planned on naming me Brian… until I came out and needed a PINK blanket. My name is Kathryn Y R. My nickname is Kassie. The reason they are different is because Kathryn is my baptismal name and my parents wanted to call me Kassie. Using a baptismal name as the legal first name is a common practice for Catholics.I prefer to be called Kassie, but it has always been really confusing for teachers because they don’t see the connection. Sometimes they think it’s a middle name, like a handful of my friends.Some people say a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. My name doesn’t make me who I am; rather, I make my name a part of me. I’m not a Katie or a Kathy or a Casey or a Brian. I’m a K-Y-R Kassie, and that’s the person I’ll always be. That’s how everyone is. We are who we choose to be and our name doesn’t change that. But having Optimus as a middle name must be pretty cool.
How is it possible for me to complete my assignment without actually doing anything? How sad is that?
The worst part - college classes are like that. I had such great dreams for college classes. I thought it was going to be amazing and intellectual and exciting. So far, everything has been minimal at best. I haven't felt like any of my classes (except a select few, which I explained to the teachers just how much I loved their classes) really inspired me or made me think differently about my life. People can get revelations from religion and television shows and books and music and everything else in the world, and I'm having so much trouble getting anything from education, which is where we are supposed to learn almost everything.
This makes me think of why I wanted to be a teacher. I loved helping people understand things and I hated the way my teachers did their lessons. I actually called one teacher out because he was making an assignment more complicated than it needed to be. He defended a student who called me a smartass for trying to make my point. I was so embarrassed and angry because he didn't even want to listen. He was the teacher and he was right, even if it meant we were doing unnecessary, extra work.
Every time I meet a teacher that I think is insufficient in some form, I think of all the ways I would do it differently. It helps a little because I figure out the kinds of this I want to do and the things I don't. But it also shows me just how ineffective most teachers are. So I leave you with this: when a student fails, is it the teacher's fault or the students?
Just a cute way to end - my boyfriend and I are watching the spin off of Jimmy Neutron about Sheen. Carl talks to his belly button and the belly button says "The wife's out back cutting cheese." I thought that was adorable. Great way to end the night, don't you think? :D
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
My brain is fried...
Like an egg on the sidewalk in the summer. I'm pretty sure that can actually happen doen here. If not, think of Father of the Bride Part Two. It makes me happy because it's such a cute movie, plus it makes my sentence somewhat plausible.
I guess this is part of being a college student. I know I'd like to think that, but I feel like I can't handle all of this. I know deep down that I can because when I actually try, I'm a good student.
I think I'm just in a bit of a rutt. I'm worried about paying bills and crafting gifts and life is a little bit too hard sometimes. But I'm letting the littlest of things get to me and I've had a weeklong headache. I know, just more of being a college student.
Do any of us realize how often we use that excuse? It's a little pathetic when you think about it because everyone has their own stuff going on and they all figure out how to deal with it and how to make things work.
Except I haven't done laundry in two weeks. I have to read for three separate classes and I didn't study for my linguistics midterm. Life is leaving me in this confused state of misunderstanding. Is college actually hard, or is it a lot of teachers letting the book teach for them and using the class period to not really do anything at all?
That is why I want to be a teacher. I want to make my students think, I want to give them all of the knowledge that I can, I want to show them to beauty of knowledge. All of this really means I'm just being a bad tutor. I let my student read the material, help him when he has trouble, and explain the more difficult problems. I could be doing so much more, but for ten dollars an hour when it's all I have, what do you expect?
I know I expect better from myself. I know I expect him to do the best he can. I know I expect to make myself into the teacher I want to be and here's my chance.
I guess this is part of being a college student. I know I'd like to think that, but I feel like I can't handle all of this. I know deep down that I can because when I actually try, I'm a good student.
I think I'm just in a bit of a rutt. I'm worried about paying bills and crafting gifts and life is a little bit too hard sometimes. But I'm letting the littlest of things get to me and I've had a weeklong headache. I know, just more of being a college student.
Do any of us realize how often we use that excuse? It's a little pathetic when you think about it because everyone has their own stuff going on and they all figure out how to deal with it and how to make things work.
Except I haven't done laundry in two weeks. I have to read for three separate classes and I didn't study for my linguistics midterm. Life is leaving me in this confused state of misunderstanding. Is college actually hard, or is it a lot of teachers letting the book teach for them and using the class period to not really do anything at all?
That is why I want to be a teacher. I want to make my students think, I want to give them all of the knowledge that I can, I want to show them to beauty of knowledge. All of this really means I'm just being a bad tutor. I let my student read the material, help him when he has trouble, and explain the more difficult problems. I could be doing so much more, but for ten dollars an hour when it's all I have, what do you expect?
I know I expect better from myself. I know I expect him to do the best he can. I know I expect to make myself into the teacher I want to be and here's my chance.
Monday, October 10, 2011
A little cleaning crazy
Yeah, you read that right. I had late homework to work on, but silly me decided that cleaning the apartment (since wfwp will be coming over tomorrow) was a better idea. I worked my butt off getting everything clean, including the massive pile of diahes overflowing in the sink. I get to be a little proud. :)
I'm only a little proud because I still didn't get to vacuum or do laundry. Not a big deal, not even remotely, but it just reminds me how overwhelmed I am.
Tomorrow starts a busy day. I have to tutor my student, which will probably feel like murder because it's been a week since the last time I was there. But at least I can test a lesson plan on him. :) Fun, right? Until I have to figure out how to tell his father that if he doesn't start paying me more, I'll have to tutor less and find a real job. Also not fun.
As always, the money issues is floating over my head. It stresses me out more than anything else. It's like that recurring nightmare that you seem to be having every night, so it makes you afraid to fall asleep. That's me, keeping my eyes open no matter how purpley black my dark circles may get because closing my eyes means giving up and giving in.
Cause I want to be a big girl, right? That's part of the fun of moving out into a real apartment and paying for everything on your own. Well... Hmph. I hate to admit this because I like to think I've been really self reliant for the past few years, but I realize that sometimes it's okay to lean on your parents. It's okay to lean on them because they know you're still just a kid making stupid kid mistakes, like spending more money on gifts and crafts than you should be.
I think it's time for a back to basics approach. Go back to what you know and trust. Go back to the warm security blanket you love. Go back to home and replant some of your roots so you never forget where you're from because you don't always know where you're going.
I'm only a little proud because I still didn't get to vacuum or do laundry. Not a big deal, not even remotely, but it just reminds me how overwhelmed I am.
Tomorrow starts a busy day. I have to tutor my student, which will probably feel like murder because it's been a week since the last time I was there. But at least I can test a lesson plan on him. :) Fun, right? Until I have to figure out how to tell his father that if he doesn't start paying me more, I'll have to tutor less and find a real job. Also not fun.
As always, the money issues is floating over my head. It stresses me out more than anything else. It's like that recurring nightmare that you seem to be having every night, so it makes you afraid to fall asleep. That's me, keeping my eyes open no matter how purpley black my dark circles may get because closing my eyes means giving up and giving in.
Cause I want to be a big girl, right? That's part of the fun of moving out into a real apartment and paying for everything on your own. Well... Hmph. I hate to admit this because I like to think I've been really self reliant for the past few years, but I realize that sometimes it's okay to lean on your parents. It's okay to lean on them because they know you're still just a kid making stupid kid mistakes, like spending more money on gifts and crafts than you should be.
I think it's time for a back to basics approach. Go back to what you know and trust. Go back to the warm security blanket you love. Go back to home and replant some of your roots so you never forget where you're from because you don't always know where you're going.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
A New Sim Family
My boyfriend and I decided we're comfortable enough with each other to not feel silly about making us as a family on Sims... so I did. I'm a Sims fanatic, as every other Sims fanatic will understand. I had made me and my boyfriend a couple of times, but I was never really dedicated to playing us as my main family. Now that he's moving in, I feel somewhat obligated. Why make us and not play us out fictitiously when it's so much fun? Besides, now we can name our kids (because we're the kind of dorks that know what our kids' names would be) and build our dream house (because we're the kind of dorks that know what our dream house will look like).
So I made us. We're cuties, of course. :] I made him go into the medical career because he's going to be a pharmacist and I made my sim go into the education career because I'm going to be a teacher. Makes sense, right? Well, everything was going alright until Marksim had a "vaccination clinic" to go to at the park. I have all of the expansion packs (No, not the stuff packs), and the ambitions pack lets you do stuff for work outside of the office. As a doctor, you sometimes have to go to public places for vaccination clinics or free diagnostic clinics. Marksim went and something weird started happening. A notification popped up saying he noticed the sky suddenly going dark. I wasn't quite sure what was happening until the meteor came down and killed him. Yeah, Sims killed my sim-boyfriend.
Needless to say, I started over. Instead of exiting without saving and starting back up at the last save point, I decided to just start over completely. I felt the mouths didn't look right, and I thought I would make them look better now that I had the chance. So I made us again and we were a happy little family. We had little Larry and little Amelia, and little Amelia got an imaginary friend doll named The Doctor. Cute, right? Well, Mark's told me before that he plans on inventing things when he retires. So, being the cute girlfriend I am, I made him work on his inventing skill. I also have a bad habit of playing while doing other things on the computer, like homework or facebook or crafting things (You can go into the options and change the screen mode so it doesn't take over your entire screen). I let it run in the background because there's a lot of empty time while my sims are maxing out their skills or going to work. I went to check on them because it was making the bad noise, like something horrible was happening. I figured I'd missed the "pay bills now" notification. Nope, I missed Marksim getting electrocuted and dying. There was a pile of ashes on the floor and the Grim Reaper was on his way. I couldn't believe he'd died again! This time I just quit without saving.
I was pretty upset because I'd made it to the top of the education career by then. But having my boyfriend around was more important than saving that achievement. It's not like I couldn't reach it again. This time, I made it to the top of the education career, Marksim maxed out his inventing skill and fulfilled his lifetime dream, and then I maxed out my writing skill and fulfilled my lifetime dream. We still had little Amelia and little Larry and we'd moved into a two story house. Marksim's inventing again because he has an opportunity about making widgets, and I'm not paying attention again because I'm looking at other things online. Yeah, you guessed it. He got electrocuted, turned into a pile of ashes, and I switched to the game right as the Grim Reaper was talking to Marksim.
I decided to start us over from scratch so I could make our two story house/mansion more amazing. But this entire time, since the first time Marksim died, I have been looking for a death flower bush. In case you don't know, if your sim has a death flower in his or her inventory, they will not die. At least, not the first time. The Grim Reaper will visit the ghost and the ghost hands it the flower. The sim turns back into a sim and all is well... until the Grim Reaper is back.
So the point of all this... Why is it important? Because I don't have a death flower bush. If I could, I'd have armed body guards around my boyfriend 24/7 because I love him that much, and when you love someone like that, you'd do anything to keep them safe. But this is the real world. We don't have death flowers or magic spells or reviving potions. When someone's gone, they're gone, and that's all you get.
I hope I have decades more time with my boyfriend, and I'm sure I will. But what about those that we have lost? Or the ones that we'll lose? I know that this is a hard subject for a lot of people, myself included. But sometimes we have to think about it.
So this is what I leave you with. Tell the people you can that you love them with all your heart. Remember the ones you can't. And hope each day that both are as happy as your favorite memory with them. :]
So I made us. We're cuties, of course. :] I made him go into the medical career because he's going to be a pharmacist and I made my sim go into the education career because I'm going to be a teacher. Makes sense, right? Well, everything was going alright until Marksim had a "vaccination clinic" to go to at the park. I have all of the expansion packs (No, not the stuff packs), and the ambitions pack lets you do stuff for work outside of the office. As a doctor, you sometimes have to go to public places for vaccination clinics or free diagnostic clinics. Marksim went and something weird started happening. A notification popped up saying he noticed the sky suddenly going dark. I wasn't quite sure what was happening until the meteor came down and killed him. Yeah, Sims killed my sim-boyfriend.
Needless to say, I started over. Instead of exiting without saving and starting back up at the last save point, I decided to just start over completely. I felt the mouths didn't look right, and I thought I would make them look better now that I had the chance. So I made us again and we were a happy little family. We had little Larry and little Amelia, and little Amelia got an imaginary friend doll named The Doctor. Cute, right? Well, Mark's told me before that he plans on inventing things when he retires. So, being the cute girlfriend I am, I made him work on his inventing skill. I also have a bad habit of playing while doing other things on the computer, like homework or facebook or crafting things (You can go into the options and change the screen mode so it doesn't take over your entire screen). I let it run in the background because there's a lot of empty time while my sims are maxing out their skills or going to work. I went to check on them because it was making the bad noise, like something horrible was happening. I figured I'd missed the "pay bills now" notification. Nope, I missed Marksim getting electrocuted and dying. There was a pile of ashes on the floor and the Grim Reaper was on his way. I couldn't believe he'd died again! This time I just quit without saving.
I was pretty upset because I'd made it to the top of the education career by then. But having my boyfriend around was more important than saving that achievement. It's not like I couldn't reach it again. This time, I made it to the top of the education career, Marksim maxed out his inventing skill and fulfilled his lifetime dream, and then I maxed out my writing skill and fulfilled my lifetime dream. We still had little Amelia and little Larry and we'd moved into a two story house. Marksim's inventing again because he has an opportunity about making widgets, and I'm not paying attention again because I'm looking at other things online. Yeah, you guessed it. He got electrocuted, turned into a pile of ashes, and I switched to the game right as the Grim Reaper was talking to Marksim.
I decided to start us over from scratch so I could make our two story house/mansion more amazing. But this entire time, since the first time Marksim died, I have been looking for a death flower bush. In case you don't know, if your sim has a death flower in his or her inventory, they will not die. At least, not the first time. The Grim Reaper will visit the ghost and the ghost hands it the flower. The sim turns back into a sim and all is well... until the Grim Reaper is back.
So the point of all this... Why is it important? Because I don't have a death flower bush. If I could, I'd have armed body guards around my boyfriend 24/7 because I love him that much, and when you love someone like that, you'd do anything to keep them safe. But this is the real world. We don't have death flowers or magic spells or reviving potions. When someone's gone, they're gone, and that's all you get.
I hope I have decades more time with my boyfriend, and I'm sure I will. But what about those that we have lost? Or the ones that we'll lose? I know that this is a hard subject for a lot of people, myself included. But sometimes we have to think about it.
So this is what I leave you with. Tell the people you can that you love them with all your heart. Remember the ones you can't. And hope each day that both are as happy as your favorite memory with them. :]
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