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Monday, March 5, 2012

A struggle for struggle.

These are my worst days.
I have to reflect on Catcher in the Rye by J. D. Salinger. Yeah, I hear it's supposed to be this amazing novel that everyone loves. Since I recently found out that my hours are being cut and I may have trouble paying for my apartment, I have no sympathy whatsoever for Holden or his experiences that a five year old could handle.
So then I get into another discussion about what it means to be worth something with one of the few the physical representations of Holden that I actually know. A rehashed discussion of how we're complete screw-ups and never seem to fail at disappointed our parents leads me to tears once again, and I'm left to think about how much I'm worth.
I'm beginning to realize that we can't judge our own worth. To ourselves, we really shouldn't be worth anything and it shouldn't matter to us anyway. Everyone else decides our worth regardless of how hard we try and how much we do. One mistake or one achievement and everyone makes the final decision. So maybe, for once, I'm going to try to forget about worth. I just want to be. I want to do what I can, best or not, and try to make an impact on this crazy world before my stupidity gets a hold of me.

Don't waste the luck you have or wait for it to save you.